My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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