remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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