i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
