I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
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