i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
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