she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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