Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
