So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
she peed on how many people?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
