so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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