I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
