Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
