just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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