I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
