We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
