if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
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