So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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