Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
