i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
You were trust falling into bushes
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
