Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
