Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
