my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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