The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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