Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
