She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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