Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
