Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
