I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
