so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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