dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
