The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Randomize
