I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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