You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
