So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
