everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
