There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
