What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
