so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
a search helicopter?!
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
