Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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