I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
