ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
