What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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