She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
