Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
