angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
