you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
