I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
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