I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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