Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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