Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
