I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
