Kiss
Puke
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
