My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
