we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Randomize
