You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
