it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
