my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
