You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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