I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
