Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Come on in and take your pants off
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