God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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