you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
