Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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