no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
