oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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