My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
