The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
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