I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
