Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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