Screwed.edu
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
